More and more it seems like my friends and I are becoming well-behaved. Not in the sense that we’re not being obxnious drunk girls or angry toddlers, but that we’re conforming. We’re becoming the people we once said we’d never become. We’re not there yet, and not all the changes are bad.

Age and experience. These are good teachers. But what if we can learn our lessons without compromising who we are?

Or is it just me that feels the creep of compromise? One more family engagement. Another explanation that I am not yet a parent to a human. One more time that I have to cover my tattoo. A second thought before I tell someone what I really feel. The concern about long-term ramifications of change.

I spent a refreshing weekend with people who seem to not be experiencing this creep of compromise. I felt more alive than I have in years. I felt a sadness in the leaving of the situation, and since leaving have a yearning to return.

Was it the situation? Celebrations are not every day life, of that I am very aware. But what if it were? What if every day was lived like a party -not that type of party-but simply full of energy and joy?

What would happen if we chose not to conform? What if we laughed too loud, took a leap of faith, and acted to make ourselves happy without the concern about long-term consequences, or how it might look to others?

Is it selfish or self-care? Age and experience haven’t taught me this lesson. Or maybe they have and I’m not yet ready for it. The feeling of creeping regret has become more heavy, and the desire to misbehave is strong.

As Laurel Thatcher Ulrich once said, “well behaved women seldom make history”.