I spend far too much of my time angry.  I’m conscious of it and have been trying to work on it.   But yesterday was a true test of my love for my husband and dedication to not get divorced.   You see, his birthday was earlier this week,  which means his parents and children came over to stay this weekend.   The children,  both boys are wonderful and I actually had a lot of fun with them.   However, my in-laws are awful.   I’m sure everyone’s in-laws are awful, but I feel like I got an extra special batch.   Mostly its the mother, my father in law isn’t bad. 

So they always stay with me when they come to town, even though their daughter lives 3 miles from me and they definitely act affluent enough to afford a hotel.   But they stay with me,  every single time.   And my husband works, every single weekend, so I don’t have a buffer.   It’s just me and the wicked witch of Seattle or California or wherever else she’s lived that better than me and my country roots. 

So the list of lovely events from her recent visit.   You know,  I should probably wait till the wench leaves before I write the rest of this.   But oh well,  here goes.

1) WITCH:  You know for being a mother to teenagers, your house really isn’t equipped for feeding visitors or teenagers. 
  IN MY HEAD:  I am their step-mother,  and the house is equipped for feeding me. Because the teenagers are here once a month.
  OUTLOUD: I know,  we haven’t had time to go shopping.
2)  WITCH: Let’s go the mall and at least get some physical activity.   YOU need to stop being a bum on the weekends and watching tv.
       IN MY HEAD:  The Mall on a Saturday, the week before thanksgiving.  Who in their right mind would willing go to that place.
    OUTLOUD:  Of course, let me grab a jacket. 
3)  WITCH to her husband:  You shouldn’t  give him your sports.   It is her job to find him shorts to wear.  
   IN MY HEAD:  Bitch, better be taking about their real mom.
4)  Before the trip to the mall:
    HER:  you need to make sure those boys drink lots of water and milk,  they are growing to fast and they need the milk to keep from hurting. 
  AT THE MALL:  She buys them both Mountain Dew. 
  IN MY HEAD:  What the Fuck? Why would you give a 10 and 12 year old Mountain Dew?
5)  When we get home from the mall,  I sit down and the 10 year old and I decide to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the original, on Netflix.  I start the movie and start playing on my phone.   She freaks out because the beginning scene is April being attacked.  She flies off the handle screaming, yes screaming,  at me to change it because “the boy” doesn’t need to see gang rape.  What?  It’s the fucking Ninja Turtles.  About 6 hours later she apologized, but it was really too late.  I’m angry still and not really sure I can do this with her.