Monthly Archives: September 2014

Get out of the car. It will change your life.

Advice

I recently took a trip out of town, with two girl friends.  While we were driving, we arrived on the scene of a very serious accident.  Immediately after we stopped, I jumped from the car to see if I could help.  Now, I have no true first aid or emergency training, but I spent some time in college as a rape/domestic violence companion.  Which means I spent a lot of time at the hospital with hysterical women, while they met with doctors and police officers.

I had no idea how I was going to help the victims of this car crash, one of which was very very dead.  But I felt the need to get out of the car.  Turns out, I did help.  One of the victims was a hysterical 18 year old girl.  She was crying and screaming and starting to panic.  Needless to say the male cop and other male “volunteer” had no idea how to even communicate with her.  I took charge of her, truly I wanted nothing to do with the dead body and the emotional drain of third driver that killed him.   So I talked to her.  Asked her questions that were probably greatly annoying, but I got her to calm down and with help, I forced the door open to her car to get her out it.  Then I sat with her, kept her calm-ish and kept her from using her very broken arm.  I “helped” to an extent until the paramedics arrived.  After the paramedics arrived, I left.  I didn’t leaving my name or any information.  When I got back in the car, the other ladies, which had never even removed their seat belts, were sitting kind of awe struck.  One girl was crying, she was very clearly upset that someone had been injured in the wreck.   The other girl upset that I had involved myself in something like “that”.

Now I was, still am, very confused by their reactions, it never crossed my mind to do anything other than get out to see if I could help.  Even if the cop yelled at me to get back in the car, at a minimum, I would have a great story to pass on to my other friends.  Please understand, I did not help because I wanted notoriety and I do not relay this story now because I want any kind of notoriety.   I’ve thought about posting this story for a little while.  How do I translate this experience into some kind of advice for others?  My only response is get out of the car, it may change your life and then again, it may not, but you might get a really cool story out of it.

I don’t think that helping that girl and spending 45 minutes on the side of a road in Kansas has truly in any way changed my life, but I have a cool story to tell and maybe I changed someone else’s life.  Maybe that stranger actually needed me to talk to her and open that car door, or maybe my cool story will inspire someone else to get out of the car, or volunteer with rape/domestic violence victims.  Sometimes, the only thing people need is a calm  soothing voice or a calm presence to sit quietly with them during those intense interviews where your entire world has fallen apart.

So get out of the car, doing something that you wouldn’t normally do.  Help someone, help yourself, just get outside your comfort zone and live.

It is not ok for men to hit women, and it is not ok for women to hit men, it is not ok for women to hit women, and it is not ok for men to hit men.

Current social issues,

I give exactly three fucks about football: (1) one Cowboys game a year, (2) Texas/OU, and (3) the Superbowl – but only for the food.

So, that’s why this whole player abusing his wife story is pretty new to me. I missed it, because, I miss most things about football, by choice. I wish I hadn’t missed it though, because this whole situation seems to be a giant case of mismanagement and horribles. 

Basic thoughts:

(1) Violence against your partner is not ok. (Caveat: if you are defending yourself against violence by your partner, by all means, defend yourself.) It is not ok for men to hit women, and it is not ok for women to hit men, it is not ok for women to hit women, and it is not ok for men to hit men. 

(2) Yes, men suffer abuse too. Stop dismissing that reality. I’m looking at you media, and your slight or nonexistent mentions of male victims of domestic violence.

(3) Victims stay with their abusers for a variety of reasons. If you’re part of the situation, you may understand the complexities of it, if you’re not, you probably don’t. The #whyistay conversation is amazingly powerful. 

(4) It seems that the USA as a country still have a lot of people who hold the belief that domestic violence is a personal matter. I worked with a client who didn’t report her abuse in the US because when you reported an issue in her home country you were turned away. Her counselor had convinced her that that wouldn’t happen here. Sometimes, I’m not so sure.

(5) NFL – you screwed up when you only suspended the player for two games.  Violence is violence, it shouldn’t make a difference if you say you didn’t have the full video, you publicly had a partial video account of the incident. The actions of this week were pretty obvious CYA even before the news came out that you had the whole video when you made the original disciplinary call. 

I’ve slept with a lot of jobs

Current social issues, ,

My birthday was not that long ago, and every year recently, around my birthday I start reevaluating my life. What do I want? What choices have I made that have landed me here? Where is here really? Is it ever really too much wine?

Mind wandering happens, odd connections are made, and then this:

I realized today that I am the lady who sleeps with all the guys, but in relation to my career.

So, here’s the deal. I’m smart. That’s generally a good thing. However, it means that I’ve been able to get pretty far down several different wrong paths based on intellect and talent. But there’s been no passion, no commitment, you could say.

Now, let’s think about the conventionally hot lady. All the guys want her, and she likes the attention and has a good time, kind of. But there’s no real passion, no commitment, you could say.

Having exceptional natural attributes of any kind can be phenomenal, but it can also create hazards for the beholder. And, I’m going to say that I am specifically writing this with women in mind. Believe it or not, there are ingrained mentalities and double standards that work against women in just about every facet of life. So, if you’re really pretty, and you date a lot, and you own your sexuality, you’re a slut. So, if you’re really smart, and you’re successful in school, you should be a (doctor, lawyer, politician, insert whatever profession someone is pushing you towards).

You have the ability to get pretty far before you realize you don’t like what or who you’re doing. So, you make a change. Well, damn, hard as it is, push as you may, you’re just not satisfied. You’re talented, you try one more position. Still not right. At this point, you start second and third guessing your choices.

I’m recently 31. As I’m writing this, I realize I’ve worked for over half my life. I’ve dated a ton of jobs, yall. I worked in restaurants, in education, as a journalist, in nonprofit outreach and fundraising, in education (again), for a government agency, in several different law offices, as a small business owner, and currently in an investigative role.

I pursued each and every path because I thought it was the right one. Different people and different environmental factors have influenced my decision making process along the way. Not undue influence, just influence. I’ve always made my decisions. But, I’ve felt the pressures of the opinions of family/friends/significant others/society.

After every interview (date), after every morning after (career change), I’ve changed and grown closer to becoming myself in my career. It has been messy, and there was some shame. I’ve learned that there was no reason for shame. I’ve learned to love my mess. One day I’ll find the right position.

I have the feeling it will be soon. Things are taking shape in a way they haven’t before. Maybe it is because I’ve made it back to my genuine self. Maybe it is because I’m opening myself to being open to following my impractical inclinations, and allowing my mind to wander in the natural and creative way it does.

Put judgment aside. Life’s a process. Let people figure out their own paths. Don’t expect each path to look the same. As a society, we’ve judged the pretty lady. If you’ve seen my resume, you’ve probably judged me. That’s unfortunate for you, because I’m pretty damn awesome.